You are your own home base

There's nothing like a failure or missed opportunity to remind me how strong I am.

Most of the time, I live on my own terms. To the extent that any of us really can, anyway. There are bills to pay, kids to raise, and bathrooms to clean, sure, but most of the time, I know that it's me who decides what I do or how I do it.

Then, once in a while, I set myself up to be evaluated, to perform, and listen to other's judgements of me. Which is, of course, bollucks.

I get rattled when someone says I'm not good enough for them, when they see the person next to me and decide s/he is better. There's a sting, a weight in the heart, in the pit of the stomach, maybe even a little heat in the cheeks. There's sadness, disappointment, and sometimes even bitterness.

What's great about all of those things is the fact that I notice what I'm feeling in the very instant I'm feeling it: "These flush cheeks and tense stomach are shame and disappointment." Noticing the emotions, feeling them in my body, makes them so much less potent than when I just listen to the story in my head. A story, often, that tries to convince me that I am less than, not enough, a failure.

But I've learned how to see and feel the words of disappointment, even embarrassment (that one's really tough), and know that they are words. They are not truth. They are words. I will not let them settle in to my mind and body as truth, but feel my breath, and let my own sense of self spread through my heart, mind, and body, so that there is no place for these destructive, b.s. words to take hold.

I am my own home base. I don't need approval from others to know who I am and that I am worthy of love and joy and everything that a full human life has to offer. I do not need to be accepted here or there to feel at home, because I am at home in myself.

Thank you, those who would judge me, for reminding me that I get to claim that role for myself. And I am worthy.

You are worthy, too. Close your eyes. Sit or stand tall, and take a few deep breaths. Move any of the doubt, the judgement, out of yourself. Let yourself feel grounded in who you are, who YOU say you are. When you know that you are your own home base, you don't need approval to know that your path is right, regardless of other's stepping stones, accomplishments, comparisons, or evaluations.

You are your own home base.